If you live on this planet, you’ve gone through experiences where someone in your life has hurt you deeply. Either by a relationship that has broken up, or through a situation where you were targeted as an adversary. Or some other event that has put you at odds with someone or others in your life. We’ve all been hurt.
We can sit down and dream or visualize what we would like to do or say to others that will make us the victor in the situation. You can “see” them apologize to you for being so mean and hurtful. You can wish for them to try to make it up to you, so you can throw their shallow gesture back in their face. But dreaming of revenge and how you might hurt them back, only keeps you connected to them and the negative energy built up within you.
When we allow that hurt to eat away at us, it causes physical ailments to develop. When we hold on to that pain and anger, it creates strife in our own lives that have nothing to do with the situation we experienced. When we allow our character to change because of what someone else did to us, we are giving them more power over our lives and who we are. Releasing this hurtful energy is the key to creating a healthy, happy and positive life.
On a practical level I’m sure you know you’re never going to get an apology, or it might be a miracle if you receive one. So stop looking for an apology to come from your detractors. Unless you’re going to apologize to yourself, hooking your hopes and dreams on someone else giving you an apology will set you up to fail from the start. Forgiving yourself for being taken in, becoming part of a situation that caused you to be hurt and for holding onto that pain is a good place to start. Who cares about the person who did the harm. Thinking of them is only giving more control over you to their side of the fence.
From a pagan perspective, I’d tell you to stop worrying about those who did you harm and start worrying about yourself. They created the energy that’s coming back to them, no matter what the source. Whither it’s coming from your visualizations or from the karma of the Divine Universe. You get what you give.
Many people take a step to break the link, or feel bad about thinking negative thoughts and want to shield their foe against their own negative energy. It’s admirable to want to protect others from your negative thoughts and painful energies. But by doing so you are allowing them to control you further by thinking about the situation and those involved in the first place. And you are trapping that negative energy within yourself that results from the harm you feel has been created. So all you’re doing is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and continuing the harm from the situation. You’re doing it to yourself.
All that metaphysical white light and do no harm perspective is great, until it goes against your own self interests. Holding that energy within yourself weighs on your emotions and your body. It drains your ability to function and creates depression that creates more sorrow that creates more negative thinking.
You’re not the keeper of the actions of others; stop acting as if you are. It really is that simple.
This is something we Pagans don’t get about all that “white light” thinking. The world isn’t all bright and beautiful. There’s a lot of darkness and a lot of gray in the middle. If you ignore it, you’re liable to set yourself up to being its keeper. Who really wants to shield those who commit bad acts against others from the negative energy they have created? What you put out, you will get back. Don’t be part of the problem that continues the hurt to yourself. Be the solution.
Even too much of a good thing isn’t good for you when it traps the negativity within yourself. So for goodness sake, let it out and get rid of it. Give that baggage back to the person who handed it to you to carry for them. It’s not yours. You don’t need it, deserve or want it. So stop taking it.
Here’s a little ritual we do to take care of issues like this. At the very least, maybe it will give you some ideas or inspiration to do something that helps your situation.
Sit down, close your eyes, ask your spiritual folk to come help you release the negativity, pain and anger involving the person involved (you must say their name or names) and the overall situation that caused you pain. Now pick up a pin or keyboard and write a letter to that person/people. You MUST address it to them! This is between you and those who hurt you, so their name must be what you start with.
Then pour out every piece of emotion, pain, hurt, frustration, tear and anger you have about everything you went through, how you felt and how you feel the situation and their actions impacted you. Don’t hold back a single solitary ounce of anything. Say everything you would want to say, everything you would want them to do in response. Be honest with yourself and your emotion. Don’t second guess it. Don’t try to rationalize it. Don’t try to be all white light non-judgmental. If you think it, write it out! Even the littlest thought creates energy around it, so write it out. Put it to paper, either by hand, or type it out and then print it off. Do what you need to do, to “get it out”, to get it ALL out and on paper.
Once you have your letter written or typed/printed, roll the paper up. If you’ve written/printed it on an 8.5×11 paper, you want to roll it from side to side so the roll is 11″ long. You want the rolled up letter to be as long as it can be. Tie it with a dark green ribbon or string. Take it to a fireplace, an outdoor grill will do, a fire pit would be great. But find a place where you can have a safe fire and be relatively alone for 45-minutes to an hour.
When you have your fire going, sit down, close your eyes and say a prayer for healing for yourself. Call upon the Divine force in your life, your guides, your guardian angel, who ever and whatever you feel connected to in spirit; ask them to come help you heal at this moment in time.
Hold the letter to your solar plexus (where your ribs meet at the bottom of the rib cage). Hold it with one end of the tube on your solar plexus, the other toward the fire, like a straw tapping into your energy that is being directed toward the flames. Imagine all that energy you poured out into those words coming out of your physical being. Watch the negative smoke floating out of every cell and organ and tissue as if the letter is vacuuming the energy out of your body. It has no choice but to be pulled out of you. Every speck of dust and dirt is pulled from within you floating into the tube of the letter where it cannot escape.
When you’re ready, when you think you have visualized this to your own satisfaction, with the help of the spirits who came to aid you, say out loud to the letter “I forgive you. I send you out into the Divine Universe where you will be dissipated no longer causing harm to me or anyone else. I release you.” Then toss your letter into the flames.
As you watch it burn, see all that harmful energy being cremated, as the smoke rises from the fire and ash. Watch the Divine Universe take it up and out of your life where it will be dispersed into nothingness in the depths of space. Or if you’d rather, see the smoke traveling up and being directed to the Sun where it will be thoroughly vanquished.
Once the letter has been totally turned to ash, you will something like an energy void within your being where all that negative energy has been residing. Before you leave, you need to fill that void with positive energy, so the negativity won’t have a place to reform within you.
Take a few moments to feel the presence of all that positive spiritual energy around you from the Divine, your guides and helpers you called upon. Allow it to fill the void left behind with love and healing light. In my path that would be crystal clear pink and emerald green energy. Choose the colors that represent those energies to you. See every nook and cranny within your physical and spiritual bodies being filled with this Divine compassion and healing until you feel completely full and the energy begins to expand beyond your physical body.
See this light pushing outward from your body as a pulsating light. See it as being alive and in tune with each beat of your heart, each breath that you take until it extends about 1 to 2 feet around your whole body. There is no energy greater than the Divine Spiritual energy you are now filled with. It’s peaceful, compassionate, loving and energizing.
See this external energy pushing out from your inner being, pushing out stress, anxiety and sadness as it leaves love and healing in its wake. Allow it to push outside your body as a shield protecting you and keeping you safe in the hands of Divine love. And know that it will be with you from this moment forward.
When you’re ready, end this visualized meditation with a thank you to the Divine spirits who came to help you. If you can, let the fire burn itself out that would be great. If you can’t, make sure to put it out for safety sake.
Now you’ve nothing left to connect you to the person and the situation. Nothing left to be said or hoped for. Nothing left to connect you to them in any way. You’ve gotten it out, said what you wanted to say, released it, replaced the void with love and compassion for yourself and your future. You can let it go and move on, having never to look back again. It’s done and done. Move on.
Now if you were a Pagan and a practitioner of magik, I’d tell you the best time to do this ritual is during the next waning moon. That’s the 26th of October. The Waning moon is used for banishing and rejecting those things that influence us in a negative way.
If you don’t feel you can wait till then, this kind of magik ritual can be done during a full moon. Next one is October 18th. The Full Moon is best used for banishing unwanted actions in your life. It’s more of a generic unwanted things, like bad habits, but you can extend its purpose to getting rid of negative influences like this. I’d add that calling GrandMother Moon into your meditation would be required if you conduct this ritual during a full moon. Think of her as the old crone, the wise medicine woman who comes to care for her grand children. She’ll help you, and you’ll want to acknowledge her for doing so.
What ever you choose to do about the hurt, anger and pain you feel, remember that keeping it inside your being is never a good thing. It keeps you connected to those who caused you harm. I creates more negativing within your being. And how you think and feel, will manifest through illness and ailments in your own physical body. Don’t let others control you and your life in this way. Get it out, let it go and move on to a more positive loving life that brings you happiness and peace.
© 2013 Springwolf, D.D., Ph.D. Springwolf Reflections / Springs Haven, LLC. All Rights Reserved.