You Reflect What You Feel
How you look at yourself will determine how others look at you. If you value your self-worth with respect and pride, then others will see you that way and hold you in greater esteem as well.
If you constantly find fault in your skin, your face, how your hair looks, how your voice sounds, what you look like when you walk, move or even sit still, then others will always find and see that fault in you as well. Mainly because being self-conscious about it, you will be drawing energy to it and that’s like a magnifying glass on everything you don’t like.
Look in the mirror each morning and see the beauty in your eyes. The loveliness of your smile. Find two things you like about YOU and focus on those two things. Allow the energy of acceptance to carry over to other things about yourself each day or even each week. Before you know it, you’ll find that you like more things about you than you thought you did. And those things you like don’t have to be physical things. They can be anything from your strength to your knowledge or aspects of your character. Whatever those two things are for you is all that matters.
As an abuse survivor I’ve been told nearly my whole life that no one would want to be with me because I was too fat and ugly. Something compounded by having two older sisters who were always thin. But I have awesome green eyes and that’s one thing I’ve always heard in my life. So when I started the process of healing from decades of abuse, that was what I held onto. My light green, color changing eyes.
The voices in your head often reflect what you’re told. For me the lack of self-worth was always a physical thing. I was in a therapy group when I this approach to healing was given to me. Liking my eyes wasn’t enough. I had to pick something else. At the time, that was very difficult, but over the course of a few months I decided on my cheek bones. Having Cherokee in our family tree, my father passed on high cheek bones to my sisters and I. So, those were my two things.
Little by little I began facing the abuse I went through, the events, the over concepts and so on. I began confronting the sources of that abuse, in some cases that meant telling someone I’m no longer carrying the baggage you placed on my shoulders. I’m giving it back to you and unless you can change your own life, you will not be part of mine. I didn’t have to get revenge. I didn’t have to give back to those people what they lashed out at me. Making others feel the hurt they inflicted upon you, will not remove the hurt you hold within yourself. It will merely compound it with guilt. Because you are not like those people, if you don’t want to be. You can stop the cycle of abuse and decide how you will carry those memories forward.
I stopped listening to what others said about me. I began working on myself and what I saw in me that was worth giving respect to. Yes I have changed the physical appearance and the voices in my head no longer say you’re fat and ugly. And yes even today there are lingering things to battle with. I still have a hard time accepting compliments about my appearance. Everything else, yep, I’m good; go ahead, you can say it. 😉 But say I’m beautiful? And I still on occasion have to stop myself from negating the compliment. Even if it comes from my husband. Who really has the only opinion that matters. But yes, there is still more to the healing than what’s on the outside.
What I had to do was forgive myself for believing what they said. Instead of living a self-fulfilling prophecy, I could create whatever future I wanted. Once that was accomplished, I began to see me in a new light and with a much larger sense of self-worth. Not only on the outside, but for who I am and who I have become. In part, because of the experiences I have been through in my life that were challenging. Those negative and bad events, created the person I am today. They gave me an understanding of rape and abusive victims that many clinical psychologists don’t even have, because they have not lived through it. Those events in my life made me better at what I do, and what I’ve always wanted to do since I was a teenager. So how can I hate my experiences?
Accepting the hardships and being proud of yourself for overcoming the challenges and the baggage you’ve carried with you for so long, can give you a sense of pride in yourself that can over come anything. It increases your whole self. It also gives you the courage to forgive those in your past, even if all you’re doing is forgiving the control you allowed them to hold over you. You break the bonds of that connect and you’re able to truly let them go on their own road to learn their own lessons and deal with their own karma. There’s nothing left for you to do with them. Now you can focus all on you.
The compassion in your soul allows you to see beyond the past and the hurt. It allows you to see the beautiful person you are, physically, mentally and spiritually. Because time will change your skin, your hair and everything else about you. But you will still look in the mirror and see those beautiful eyes, those high cheek bones, that lovely spirit and the love you have for yourself.
© 2014 Springwolf, D.D., Ph.D. Springwolf Reflections / Springs Haven, LLC. All Rights Reserved.