Feeling Put Upon

Why Does Advice Sometimes Backfire?

I try to spend a little time during the week reading in my favorite magazines or news stories that peak my interest. This week, I found one that hits home as it’s close to something I posted on FB a few weeks ago concerning how we sometimes make assumptions about other people’s lives.

“Giving unsolicited advice is what causes problems. Advice is often preceded by a judgment or an evaluation—which is based on our interpretation of a person or situation. Although you may sincerely intend to help or assist someone, giving unsolicited advice sends a variety of underlying messages which are all based on assumptions, and which are almost always perceived as negative to the person receiving the unwanted advice. As a result, advice often comes across as judgmental, authoritative, or self-serving.

When we give unsolicited advice, the judgmental assumption is, “You can’t figure this out on your own,” or “I don’t trust you to figure it out.”
     
The authoritative assumption is, “I know better than you,” or “I know and you don’t, so I have to tell you.”
     
The self-serving assumption is, “I need to give you the benefit of my advice to validate or to prove to myself how smart I am.” or worse “I need to tell you what to do, so I can be the hero that saved you from yourself.”

As a result, your judgement manifests through your advice and is often taken as a slight or insult, causing hurt feelings within the one you’re trying to help.”

If you want to help someone you care about, simply tell them that you’re thinking of them, you’re sending thoughts and prayers; and ask if there’s anything you can do, for them to please let you know. But don’t make assumptions about what they need or want. Continue reading →

OMG, Face Plant!!

When Alternative Information Goes Wrong – Losing Our Knowledge, Understanding and Wisdom from the Past

I read something today that annoyed me a little and felt the need to point it out.

I was looking for information to answer a question I was asked about the concept of how our thoughts create how we feel. The questioner found the work of Louise Hay and wanted more information concerning this approach for healing. Additional authors and places to look to broaden the understanding.

While I had a few resources, I wanted to find some additional and more academic sources to share. If you don’t know, this concept of healing from a science perspective is called: Psychoneuroimmunology. Say what? Yeah, it’s a big word but it’s not new. Not by a long shot.

The academic concept Psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) is:
…the study of the interaction between psychological processes and the nervous and immune systems of the human body. PNI takes an interdisciplinary approach, incorporating psychology, neuroscience, immunology, physiology, genetics, pharmacology, molecular biology, psychiatry, behavioral medicine, infectious diseases, endocrinology, and rheumatology. Wikipedia: Psychoneuroimmunology. Continue reading →

It’s Ok To Rest A Little

By Not Giving Up

Change is hard. It takes effort, concentration and mostly; patience with yourself. Affirmations help and they can remind you what it is you’re working toward. When you start falling back on old patterns and you realize it; that’s the time to say your affirmation.

Don’t give up on yourself. You’re trying and whither you realize it or not, you are making change. You’re not the same person right now as you were a year ago, or six months ago, or even last week.

You know more today and you’ve seen more than ever before. So you can’t truly “go back” because you’re not that person you used to be. You’re wiser and stronger. Continue reading →