You’re doing a great job holding yourself up and holding on. The effort is making you stronger. So why are you so down on yourself and doubting your efforts today? Spread your wings and soar on the wind of change that’s filling the sky around you. Look over your domain and take in the view of where you used to be and how far you’ve come. It may just re-energize your day.
Stop listening to the nay-sayers, the critics, the people who don’t even know you. None of them are walking in your shoes or know what you’ve been through. They can only feel better about who they are, by putting others down and trying to stand upon a pedestal they didn’t earn.
If you’re not with people who support you, or build you up and stand behind you; then you need to move on. Don’t allow others to keep you down because they’re afraid of change or moving forward. That’s not your path and you don’t need that kind of conflict in your life.
You can try to talk to those holding you back. Communication is always a good thing. Some times people are so afraid of change that they’ll say they want “this”, but they seriously worry what will happen and what the consequences will be when it’s achieved.
If they won’t talk with you or won’t agree to work on the issues at hand, it maybe time to simply let go and move on. You can’t learn lessons for others. But you can’t allow them to hold you back from the lessons you have to work through either.
Believe in yourself; even when no one else does.
The dynamic of relationships can be an interesting thing. People can talk a good talk, but their actions tell you what’s really behind their thinking. I’ve met a number of people who say they want to be financially successful and each person has their own definition of what that means. But of those same people, many are secretly afraid to reach their goal because of what it will provide or do to their relationship.
Sometimes these fears only come out in counseling sessions. Sometimes a person will reach deep within and finally admit to their partner what they’re afraid of. For instance:
One man was so afraid of attaining financial abundance, because it would provide his wife the opportunity to not need him any longer and he expected her to leave him. He constantly, but unknowingly sabotaged his efforts to achieve success.
A woman was so afraid of her husband reaching his success because it would attract other women who would try to take him from her. She allowed her fear to manifest through her actions and little by little, she unknowingly pushed him away and created a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sadly these types of fears are not uncommon nor are they based in delusion. These types of scenarios happen all the time and they’re propagated through TV dramas, crime news and even local gossip from the neighbors down the street.
At the foundation of fear is trust. Be it trust in yourself, or trust between partners. When you begin to doubt the trust of your relationship, you allow it to fester and grow into reality. At one point in your partnership you held trust. You were open and honest, you communicated and shared. Like all things in successful relationships, that kind of trust must be maintained through work. Action, support, and especially communication will keep it alive. But both sides must be willing to work on their own issues of fear after they are discussed. You can’t expect the other person to do it all.
Remember everyone needs someone to talk to. We all need interaction with others and if we don’t get it from one person, we’ll look for it from someone else. Don’t wait for your partner to make all the moves. Guys, it’s not your lady’s job to instigate romance. Take her hand and walk through the store. Give her a hug when you or she come home from work. And women, sometimes a little romance is a two-sided coin. You can plan a romantic dinner, or set time aside for that special Victoria Secret night-gown.
It takes work to make any type of relationship successful. If you want support to move forward on a positive path, you must give support to others. No matter what the topic, no matter what the dynamic of the relationships in your life. If you want something special out of it; you must give something special into it.
© 2013 Springwolf, D.D., Ph.D. Springwolf Reflections / Springs Haven, LLC. All Rights Reserved.