Don’t be stubborn and pout all day. No one is going to want to help you when you’re being angry and holding a defeatist attitude. If you want things to work out, you’re going to have to learn to communicate your feelings. And don’t expect others to simply “know” how you feel. They can’t read your mind! Take responsibility for how you feel. If you don’t like it, you’re the only one who can change it.
No one is going to simply “know” how you feel about something anymore than you “know” how they feel. So don’t hold them to a standard of understanding that even you can’t stand up to.
If you feel hurt by something, then the first thing to do is take ownership of that feeling. But don’t blame someone else for how you’ve chosen to feel. Look at yourself and ask “why do I feel upset about this”? You might have a legitimate reason, but you should also make sure you’re not blaming someone who’s in your life today for the baggage you’re caring from the past.
No relationship, of any kind, is going to be perfect and go through every day life without conflict. If you’re looking for that kind of special relationship, you might as well stop now. People have arguments and disagreements. It’s how you handle those conflicts that make the difference between a successful relationship and one that fails. Those relationships that you think of as perfect and long to have, implement one key characteristic; complete Respect for each other. Without respect on both sides, you’re in for a rocky relationship.
There are many ways to communicate your feelings. If you care for someone, you’ll refrain from degrading them, in public or private. Blaming them for how you feel is not only unfair, it’s disrespectful to you both. “When you did this, I felt like this” is ten times better than “You made me feel like..”. Never start a sentence with “You made me”. Ever!
If you want someone to act a certain way, then explain your position. Let them know what you “wish” they would do. But remember that if you’re expecting them to change who they are to suit you, then you’re setting yourself up to fail. Would you chance who you are for someone else? It’s not easy to change. But you can agree to respect each other for who and what you are. To help each other get over the hurts of the past and be there for each other when one of you needs to be strong for the other.
Respect will win the day, especially when you hold it with love and compassion. And when you take responsibility for your own actions and reactions to the world around you. Remember though, that until you hold respect for yourself, you’re going to have a hard time respecting others around you. Look in a mirror and make sure you like the person looking back at you.
- The Art Of Communication – How We Listen & Hear
- The Art Of Communication – II – Expectations & Assumptions
- Holding Respect With Love
You can order a personal reading from Spring through the Services at Spring’s Haven. We offer both in-house and email/phone/skype consultations. As a Ministerial organization, all our consultations are private and strictly confidential.
© 2014 Springwolf, D.D., Ph.D. Springwolf Reflections / Springs Haven, LLC. All Rights Reserved.