When You Have A Good Heart
A long time ago, someone much wiser than I said:
When you have a good heart:
You help too much. You trust too much. You give too much. You love too much. And it always seems … you hurt the most.
I can relate to this old adage. I think any Mother can without question. But I also know we are responsible for our own feelings. So the question isn’t why do we get hurt, but rather why do we allow ourselves to feel hurt?
That’s an easy one to answer, but it’s not an easy answer to live with. Because it’s our own expectations that cause us to feel hurt.
We don’t want to sit down and ask ourselves “why do I help so much?” Because we don’t really want to answer that question. Do we do it because we needed to be needed? Are we looking for accolades or craving the gratitude of others in need? No not everyone has this issue. But you might be surprised at how many do.
And when we don’t receive recognition from those efforts, or when our “help” is unwanted or sometimes unwarranted, we become hurt. Simply because we expected someone to act or react in a certain way and that didn’t happen. It was our own expectation that failed us.
Many of us give our trust to easily to others. Especially when we were younger. Sadly age and experience changes. In some cases it can even make you jaded. But if we remember that trust is something that is earned, not given, we can avoid some of those heartfelt wounds that arise when our trust is broken.
Sadly not everyone is as kind-hearted as you are. Being too trusting can easily make you a target. Allowing others to earn your trust does take a little time. You don’t have to distrust others from the get go. You don’t have to swing the pendulum from trusting too much to not trusting at all.
As with everything in life, trust is a balance. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is ok. As long as you’re also holding an open mind and small amount of skepticism along with it. Take off the rose colored glasses and see what’s before you with honesty, not blind ignorance.
Many of us give too much of ourselves. But we don’t give nearly enough to the one who needs it the most. Our own self. And like helping others, we sometimes have to stop and ask the question why am I giving so much to others? Am I not being appreciated enough, or valued or respected? If you don’t feel you’re receiving those things, then look in a mirror. You’re probably not giving yourself enough of those things either. And if you don’t do it for you, who else will?
Love is what makes the world go around, can we really love too much? Yes, when that love comes with conditions or expectations. I’m not one who believes in unconditional love. But I’ve come to this perspective not from cynicism, but from a healthy balanced view of the world and my experiences in it. When we give love we hope it will be returned. If not, it’s a lesson we must learn and hopefully our heart is not too broken from the experience. But we also hope that our love isn’t thrown back in our face with anger or hatred. We have an expectation of civility, at the very least. But there’s that word again; “expectation”.
When we help, trust, give and love too much we’re setting others up to fail when our expectations are not met. The one we should be looking at however, is our own reflection in the mirror. We set expectations that we ourselves cannot meet. Especially if we’re not helping, trusting, giving and loving who we are and what we are capable of.
Expectations set others up to fail the standards you unfairly place upon them.
And creates disappointment within you.
~ Springwolf 🐾 1999
You get what you put out. Your actions return to you three-fold. What goes around comes around. Sometimes those hard lessons in life that cause us to become hurt or feel heart-broken, aren’t about those around us. They’re lessons trying to remind us that we must first give to that person you see in the mirror. No one is going to help you, trust you, give to you or love you, if you don’t do these things to yourself first.
When you take care of you, others see you as worthy and valued. You attract people who want to share in that energy. They not only want to feel that energy for themselves, but they also want to share it with you, by giving what you express to the world around you.
There’s a difference between being selfish or self-centered and valuing your self. But it’s also important to note that when one person sees arrogance, another will see confidence. The label given can often depend on the self-assurance one holds of them self. The one who sees arrogance, is often the one who is insecure. The who sees confidence, is the one who sees that same self-assurance within their own being.
“Too much” is the key part to this old adage. Anything, even if it’s a good thing, can be bad for you when it’s not expressed in balance. Start healing your wounds by looking in the mirror and forgiving yourself for giving to everyone else first. No matter what your situation, start this week by taking care of you first.
You can do this in little steps at first. Take one thing each day and turn it into something positive for you. Perhaps you take an extra 5 minutes in the shower for yourself to stand under the warm water and feel it fall upon your shoulders. Or maybe it’s giving yourself a treat, by going to the corner tea or coffee shop and having a quiet moment to yourself to relax. Take a walk through a garden and stop for a moment to smell the flowers in bloom. Or if it’s cold where you are, maybe packing a snowball and throwing it across the field or yard will spark fun and fond memories of your childhood.
Allow yourself to love you, to care about who you are becoming and the work you have given to walk a better life. Be proud of yourself and you’ll allow yourself to feel worthy of your own love. Look in the mirror today and say “I love you”. Don’t roll your eyes, or make a face of disbelief. Look at you, find that one thing you do like about yourself and focus on it. Then try again and remind yourself “You love you”.
There Has To Be A Message In That
If you’re not a blogger you may not know this, but most blogs will tell you how many posts you’ve made on a blog. I don’t believe in coincidence. So when I saw this message pop up today, the nice round number caught my attention.
Numbers have meaning in our daily lives and I couldn’t resist analyzing this one. In Shamanistic Numerology we would add these numbers together; 6+5+0=11, 1+1=2. And check out the meaning of the number two:
Two – The number of love, union or partnership, intimacy and feelings, being balanced.
- This number is associated with the Moon.
- This number is associated with the Elder Tree.
- This number is associated with the Elk.
- It represents the emotional world and feminine energy.
- Positive Direction: When 2 is present, it can denote trust, companionship, and unity. People with this number as their spiritual number are sensitive and compassionate. They make great holistic healers.
- Negative Direction: In reverse 2 can represent selfishness, jealousy, bigotry or lack of acceptance of others. Having feelings of being cut off from others or being segregated in life.
Seems it’s a fitting insight for this post, don’t you think?
© 2013 Springwolf, D.D., Ph.D. Springwolf Reflections / Springs Haven, LLC. All Rights Reserved.